When times are difficult, when global change and upheaval are transforming our daily lives, I’ve found it extremely useful to remind my clients about this quote:
“The optimists died.” — Admiral John Stockdale
Now I’m not taking a stand against optimism. But optimism may not be our best mode of operation in this very moment of history.
I learned a lot from reading about James Stockdale, and I’d love you to hear me out about why he said what he said. It just might make your life 100% easier and more effective, starting today.
Who Was James Stockdale?
James Stockdale was a heroic prisoner of war, the highest-ranking U.S. naval officer held captive in North Vietnam. He became the organizing force inside one of the most brutal prison systems of the Vietnam War: the Hanoi Hilton.
When his plane was shot down in 1965, Stockdale ejected from the cockpit knowing exactly what was coming. As he descended by parachute, he later said he had time to think, and what he thought was this:
“I’m leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus.”
That sentence summarizes so much of how James endured what came next.
Stockdale was a student of Stoic philosophy, particularly the teachings of Epictetus, including the belief that while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we respond. He would spend the next seven and a half years proving that belief under conditions most of us can barely imagine.
He endured torture, isolation, malnutrition, and relentless psychological pressure. He not only survived, he led others to endure alongside him.
Stockdale established a covert chain of command among prisoners. He helped create a communication system through walls using a tap code. He used it to encourage his men, set expectations for how they would resist interrogation, and sent important intelligence home to his wife hidden inside his letters.
He replaced horror with structure. He met fear by instilling meaning. He overcame isolation by creating connection.
“Who Didn’t Make It Out?”
Years later, author and business researcher Jim Collins interviewed Stockdale while writing Good to Great. Collins asked him a simple question:
“Who didn’t make it out?”
Stockdale’s answer was immediate.
“Oh, that’s easy. The optimists.”
The people who died were not those who were hopeful and stoically resilient. They were the pure optimists — the ones who kept setting dates.
“The ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’ll be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come and go. And then Thanksgiving. And then it would be Christmas again…”
“They died of a broken heart.”
Pure optimism reduced their resilience.
Stockdale went on to say something that has echoed in my ears ever since I first encountered this story:
“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end, which you can never afford to lose, with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.”
The Key Lesson
What Stockdale did instead of hoping to be out by Christmas was to tell himself: No matter what, I am going to get out. I don’t know when. But I will endure.
Then he found ways to endure. That’s the key lesson I want to share with you today.
We may feel like we’re living under conditions that put us in a place of great discomfort, inconvenience, and genuine concern. As bad as it has been, or may still become, we need two things working together:
- Hope that we will get through.
- Courage to face the brutal facts of our current reality.
Faith that things will get better. No deadline on when. And then: dig in and find a way through.
Three Ways to Apply Stoic Hope Right Now
Here are three SoulSalt strategies for following your inner wisdom through the lens of Epictetus.
1. Tell Yourself the Truth (Completely)
Stoic hope begins where denial ends. You cannot lead yourself from distortion. You cannot build resilience on a false foundation.
Stockdale faced the hard, cold facts directly, no softening, no spin. He embraced the uncertainty.
Your work, should you choose it:
- Name what is objectively happening
- Remove the spin, the minimizing, the dramatizing
- Stand in the facts long enough to feel their weight
- Embrace what is real
This is your head brain doing its job. Let yourself see clearly so you can move forward.
2. Narrow Your Circle of Control (Relentlessly)
Most people exhaust themselves trying to manage things that were never theirs to manage. Epictetus was clear: focus only on what is within your control.
Your work, if you’re willing:
- Identify what is not yours, other people’s reactions, timing, outcomes
- Release these things, intentionally and repeatedly
- Reinvest that energy into what is yours: your choices, your behaviors, your standards
This is where sovereignty begins. We become self-sovereign when we admit we are not in control of life, but we are in control of ourselves as we journey through it.
This is the foundation of our Soul Sovereignty program.
3. Establish a Personal Code Before You Need It
Stockdale was able to lead in the prison camp in part because he brought a philosophy that meant something to him into the experience. Having life and leadership philosophies, a set of core values identified and ready to guide you, this is your internal operating system.
Your work, if you desire it:
- Define what you stand for, even when it’s hard
- Decide how you will behave under pressure
- Pre-choose your standards so you don’t negotiate them in the moment
Get started with my field guide or take our Be True course.
Hope and resilience grow in the face of uncertainty when we hold onto anchors that tell us who we are and what we stand for, even in the most difficult situations.
The Question That Matters Most
When tough times hit, you can answer this with courage, truth, and the freeing power of knowing who you truly are at your core:
“Given who I am, how do I respond?”
Now I turn things over to you. Given where we are in time, who are you, and how will you respond to the call of the moment?
