What’s keeping you playing small? From pursuing your dreams and the life that you know you deserve?
Is it the fear of being judged, rejected, or hurt? Is it the fear of failure, or failing to meet up to your own high standards?
Do you find yourself ignoring your own needs to please others?
If you’re thinking, “Yep, this is me,” it’s time for some recalibration.
Time to step into your bravery, stop apologizing, and reconnect with your authentic self.
Time to live unapologetically as the best badass you.
What Does It Mean to Be Unapologetically You?
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, but you also have an obligation to be one.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
Being unapologetically you is about connecting with your deepest, truest self – your core values, unique personal needs, and dreams and ambitions.
To do this, you’ll need to become aware of your societal conditioning.
Over the years, all of us have absorbed external beliefs and expectations that skew our sense of self. Chances are, you feel like you need to hide or censor parts of yourself to avoid judgment and negative backlash or gain acceptance and status.
This is nothing to chastise yourself for – it’s actually part of our hardwiring!
Belonging and acceptance were crucial to our ancestors’ survival as we needed to work as a tribe to stay safe from predators.
Today, that longing to fit in is still within us, but the stakes have changed. We no longer need external validation and acceptance to survive. In fact, living this way actually dampens our light.
And that’s where being unapologetically yourself comes in.
To live unapologetically means to become conscious of:
- What you truly want and know to be right vs what others have told you.
- Choosing authenticity even though you’re scared about what other people might think.
- No longer seeking validation because you know you’re already enough just as you are.
It takes courage to step into your truest self and live unapologetically, but the leap of faith is always worth it.
When you live a life that is deeply aligned with the salt of your soul, you unlock the path to fulfillment, trusting yourself, and contentment.
7 Tips for Living Unapologetically
Living unapologetically doesn’t come easily for most of us. Standing out and standing up invites judgment. You may worry about disappointing the people you care about, losing friends, or failing.
These worries are normal, but they shouldn’t stop you from moving forward, even if the first step is getting support to navigate the changes you want to make.
So with that in mind, here are seven tips for living unapologetically – starting today!
1. Honor Your Core Values
Have you discovered your truth? Do you know what inspires you and lights your heart up? Do you understand your purpose in life? All of these questions bring you closer to your core values – the internal compass that will guide you toward your most authentic self.
Find Your Core Values
If you don’t yet know your core values, don’t sweat it! Identifying them is a lifelong journey but it’s easy to get started on the path to discovery.
Here are some questions to help you explore what’s important to you:
- Who do you admire? What qualities do they possess?
- When do you feel most like yourself? What are you doing, and how do you feel?
- What makes you come alive?
By answering these questions, you’ll begin to uncover a few recurring themes – for example, freedom, creativity, and learning – that guide you toward your core values.
But knowing your core values is just the beginning. To live unapologetically, you need to honor them. This means overcoming self-doubt and upholding what you know is important to you in your heart of hearts.
Believe you are worth it. Believe that what you think matters. Believe that you can. Trust me, it’s a surefire way to live an extraordinary life.
2. Let Go of External Validation
“No other version, no matter how perfect it is, would ever feel better than being your true self.”
– Edmond Mbiaka
When you start challenging the status quo and take charge of your life, you may run into some pretty challenging hurdles. Namely, you may find that what you want for yourself conflicts with what other people want for you.
This can be a tough pill to swallow, especially if you’re prone to people-pleasing or perfectionism. But here’s the thing – you have to listen to your heart. After all, any other path leads to someone else’s dream.
Brave Not Fearless
The trick isn’t to be fearless in the face of external criticism, but rather to keep courage.
When you have a clear idea of who you are and your values, you can live your life without apologizing and without seeking external validation – because the validation you need is already inside you.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
A huge part of living unapologetically is knowing what you will and won’t accept – this means setting boundaries.
Why You Need Boundaries
Boundaries protect us from harmful people, settings, and dynamics, such as hostile communication and passive-aggressive behavior.
For a lot of people, setting boundaries brings up feelings of dread and fear. They hate the idea of hurting other people’s feelings or rocking the boat. But enforcing healthy limits is actually crucial to living a rewarding life.
Unlike defenses, boundaries don’t indiscriminately shut people out. They empower you to spend more time on people and activities that make you feel fulfilled and supported, and less time on those that clash with your core values or make you feel drained.
To begin setting boundaries, first understand that you aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings. Getting to grips with this will take the edge out of turning down an uncomfortable request.
Of course, if you’re used to saying ‘yes’ to anything and everyone, embracing the word ‘no’ will feel challenging. The trick is to assert your boundaries while maintaining compassion.
For example, if a work colleague asks you to take on a project when you’re already overwhelmed, you could say: “Thank you for considering me and please consider me next time too. Right now, I don’t have the capacity to help, but I’m glad you thought of me.’”
4. Focus on What You Can Control (And Drop What You Can’t)
“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.”
– Virginia Satir
As you work on living as your truest self, the biggest hurdle you’ll need to overcome is the one within your mind – letting go of what you can’t control.
Think about it, how often have you worried about what other people think of you, what the weather will be like tomorrow or even the economy? Despite spending hours worrying about these things, you can’t do anything about them.
What You Can Control
What we need to do is focus on the things that are within our power. What are they? Our responses to our thoughts and feelings..
When we stop and clarify what we can control and then do something about it, we summon our innate wisdom and connect with our truest selves. It’s then that we can start living authentically and unapologetically.
As American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr aptly put it:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
5. Embrace Your Uniqueness
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
– Dolly Parton
Wear Your Skin with Pride
You can’t live unapologetically if you silence yourself for the sake of others’ comfort. A true badass is proud of their uniqueness and they refuse to hide it.
Think of the areas in your life where you’ve dulled your light for fear of judgment or criticism:
- Who aren’t you completely honest with?
- In what ways are you hiding?
- Where are you compromising your values?
- What are you afraid of?
Remember, you can’t control how other people react, but you can control how you show up.
Choose to step into your truth and live as the most authentic version of yourself, even when you feel vulnerable and scared.
There’s no need to apologize for being the real you. In fact, they’re someone to celebrate.
6. Take Risks to Achieve Your Dreams
A lot of us live our lives like we’re immortal, but that’s not the case. Everyone’s time on this planet is limited. The question is – how do you want to spend yours?
This is your life and you are the author and the protagonist. Every day, you write a new page. Do you like the story so far? What would you like to change? If you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
I’ll bet you have some dreams that you’ve been too scared to chase.
Maybe you’re afraid of failing, or you’re worried that there’s too much to do and getting going looks too hard.
These concerns are totally normal. After all, following your dreams is big, scary stuff. It takes bravery, grit, and a willingness to fail to step outside your comfort zone.
But doing it – even though it involves taking risks – is a worthy, beautiful journey. When you listen to your heart’s deepest desires and find the courage to follow them, your self-confidence will skyrocket, you’ll feel more purposeful and life will have a new sense of zest.
The best trick I’ve learned is to take things step by step.
One Step at a Time
Instead of looking at the top of the mountain when you’re at the bottom, focus on the first few steps you need to climb.
It’s those tiny, incremental, consistent steps that will transform your life.
7. Remember Age Is Just a Number
If you think it’s ‘too late’ to reinvent yourself, think again! Despite what you might have heard about middle-aged adults becoming stuck in their ways, recent research begs to differ.
The study, which looked at neuroplasticity and aging, shows that a person’s most productive age is from 60 to 70 years. The second most productive age is 70 to 80 while the third is 50 to 60 years old!
So, if you’re allowing your age to keep you from being 100% unapologetically yourself, know that it’s no excuse! In reality, you’re probably just getting started on what could be the most extraordinary, rewarding years of your life!
Start Being Your Badass, Unapologetic Self
The best time to plant a tree is ten years ago. The second best time is right now. It’s the same with living unapologetically.
It’s time to drop all of your excuses and start living the life you deserve.
Ready to increase your sense of self, raise confidence, improve connection, and live unapologetically?