It’s unsettling, isn’t it? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is quite right either.
From the outside, you have a great life – a steady partnership, a promising career, and close bonds with friends and family.
But something is missing. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you’re plagued by ongoing feelings of restlessness and disenchantment.
In my experience of helping people find fulfillment for over 20 years, these symptoms indicate you’ve lost touch with your unique personal needs (UPNs).
This is completely normal, and something that even those with the most seemingly-fulfilled lives struggle with.
But just because you feel this way doesn’t mean there aren’t concrete and effective ways to rediscover your badass energy and enthusiasm for life.
Let me show you how.
Feeling Happy But Missing Something
Before we go further, you should commend yourself for your courage – admitting that something is missing in your life is a challenging thing to do.
It’s Not Wrong
Many of us worry that we’ll appear ungrateful or selfish for yearning for an elusive ‘more’, but really this realization is a beautiful act of bravery and self-care.
That feeling of emptiness you’ve been battling signifies your soul is hungry for a deeper purpose and meaning. It’s your authentic self trying to tell you that you need to nourish your unique personal needs.
What Are Unique Personal Needs?
As humans, we all have fundamental needs for things like sleep, water, food, and shelter. These needs are cyclical. We top them up and then they deplete over time. That’s why we sleep every night and crave sustenance every few hours.
Beyond our physiological needs, we also have soul-level needs – our UPNs.
Unlike the universal requirements for food, water, and shelter, our UPNs are much more intangible and nuanced, varying wildly from person to person, and changing throughout our lives.
Recognizing and Fulfilling Our UPNs
This is crucial for our well-being. We must pay attention to our UPNs to find fulfillment and meaning. And just like our needs for food, water, and shelter, they require consistent attention and maintenance.
The trouble is, we all have unmet and unknown UPNs. In fact, 100% of clients I’ve helped over the years had at least one (usually more!) deficient UPN, and many more felt confused and unsure of what their UPNs really were.
Why Do We Become Detached From Our UPNs?
Losing touch with our UPNs tends to happen over time, often without us even noticing. Things like the pressure to fit in, workplace demands, and times of stress can all draw attention away from our intrinsic needs.
The longer we neglect our UPNs, the more out of touch with ourselves we become. Our UPNs effectively become muted, drowned out by external pressures and expectations.
But like the need for water and food, our UPNs always remain, quietly whispering about what we need to be truly fulfilled – it’s just maybe we’ve forgotten how to listen.
And that’s why we feel like something is missing in our lives. We become so out of sync with ourselves that we no longer know what our UPNs are. Instead, we feel this nagging yearning – a sense of longing for something we don’t know how to fulfill.
How to Find & Fulfill What’s Missing
The first step to getting over that uneasy, depleted feeling is acknowledging that something is missing. The second step, as outlined in the tips below, is reclaiming your UPNs and living a remarkable, fulfilling life.
Here’s how to do it.
1. Take Ownership of Your Happiness
“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”
Brene Brown
If your happiness depends on external influences, you’ve already cut off contact with your UPNs. When we allow people, status, or material possessions to dictate our state of mind, we inherently lose touch with what makes us truly, innately happy.
So, make a vow to take ownership of your happiness. Rather than letting things outside your control sway your emotions, commit to controlling your thoughts and creating a state of emotional peace within.
2. Listen to Yourself
If you’re guilty of people pleasing or worrying too much about what other people think, it’s time to recalibrate and reconnect with your inner truth. Our UPNs, after all, are entirely personal to us. They align with our core values, hopes, and dreams.
You can only find your UPNs if you have a strong, loving relationship with yourself. Of course, if you’ve been lost in the grind for years, you may feel like your intrapersonal intelligence has suffered.
Take Time to Learn About Yourself
- Explore what matters to you most and why.
- Notice how you feel in different situations without judgment.
- Become curious about your emotions and thoughts.
Quickly, you’ll start to notice themes and patterns within yourself; the essence of your core character, values, and hints of needs that remain unmet.
3. Find Connections With Yourself and Others
The best relationships empower us to honor our UPNs while nourishing our needs for belonging and connection. These connections are rare and special, but nurturing them is vital to living a satisfying life.
As you become more connected to yourself and your core values, you’ll naturally start to notice the people who spark the most joy in your soul.
For example, suppose you discover that you greatly value kindness. In that case, you can set boundaries with negative friends or family members, and shift your attention to people who inspire you.
4. Believe in Yourself
“If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”
Maya Angelou
Fear and self-doubt are noisy saboteurs that scramble your mind’s ability to listen to your UPNs. To live a rewarding, fulfilling life, you need to believe in yourself.
Overcoming Low Self-Esteem
Overcoming low self-esteem can feel like climbing a mountain, but it’s entirely possible. Self-belief is like a muscle. You can increase its strength with practice and dedication.
Start by committing to practicing positive self-talk – focus on your strengths, be kind to yourself, and challenge negative self-assumptions. Once you’ve begun to nurture yourself inside out, you can look at what you’d like to achieve in the external world.
Set long-term goals that excite you and stir your soul, even if they feel scary.
The other remarkable thing about believing in yourself? You’ll build more genuine, fulfilling connections with people around you. It’s funny that we often hide our true selves for fear of being judged when, really, that’s the person the world truly wants.
5. Reclaim Control of Your Life
We can either make life happen or it will happen to us. To nourish our UPNs, we need to take ownership of our circumstances and emotions.
Every day is an opportunity to live according to our values, chase our dreams and contribute to the world.
Don’t Be a Bystander in Your Own Life
This is your story, and you are the author. Make each page – each day – one that moves you closer toward authenticity and fulfillment.
Plan your days accordingly. Block off time for your priorities rather than getting pulled into everyone else’s needs at the expense of your own.
6. Find Your Passion
For many of us, our jobs and passions are lightyears apart. We may find our careers rewarding in many ways – especially in terms of financial stability and socializing. But they don’t directly nourish our UPNs.
Now, I’m certainly not saying you should quit your job on the spot. But you should find a way to spend more time incorporating your passions into your life.
It may be that you live out your passion through a hobby or find ways to augment your job so that you bring your passion to work.
If you’re not sure what your passion is, that’s ok! Start by brainstorming to give you a sense of direction. Take a little time each day to write down potential projects, creative outlets, or career paths that excite you.
From there, you can narrow down your direction. Choose the aspiration that lights your soul with excitement, set goals, and create a plan to infuse your passion into your life.
Ready to Feel Fulfilled?
Reconnecting with your UPNs is a surefire way to live a remarkable life, and these tips are just the start.
In my upcoming book, I’ll guide you through the powerful process of self-discovery that I use every day to help my clients close the gap between the life they’re living and the life they want.
To secure your copy, sign up here.
